Difficult Decisions
I am not very lucky with relationships. In fact,quite the opposite is true. I tend to fall for the straight guy, never really get asked out (well, by guys anyway), and never have the courage to ask someone else out (even if I’m certain they’re gay).
Last week, as i was trying to screw up the courage to ask someone out, someone else spoke to me first. I immediately said yes, and somehow (before we even went on a date) we slept together. We’re now trying to organise a proper date, but he is being a pain to pin down.
Now, a week on, I’m not even sure I am actually interested. Yeah, he got my attention a year ago, but as I’ve got to know him a little better, I’m no longer so sure I want to know him. Yeah, perhaps I thought I was interested. But I thought I was interested in my only girlfriend, and look how well that worked out… I’m also not convinced that he isn’t just in it for the sex. Or that my low self-esteem made me say yes only because he asked.
To make matters more complex, there is another guy. The one I was going to ask out. I already know I like him, have a feeling he likes me, and we have more in common than the organisation. Yes he annoys me sometimes, but mainly only when he’s showing off to others. I have also actually had more than one nice conversation with him.
I don’t want to hurt anyone (or get myself a reputation). But, I do want a relationship for myself as well as my partner, and more than just what happens in bed…
I think, while writing this I’ve decided what I’m going to do. I suspect I’ll regret it, but i think I’ve got to follow my heart.
This could get interesting…
A Beautiful Thing
I don’t often write about gay things (well beyond the odd side-comment). Occasionally I’ll post something on Twitter, if I spot a tweet worth an RT, but I can count the number of these occasions on the fingers on one hand. If you’re interested, my favourite would have to be:
Which is probably because I’m an old romantic at heart.
To get back to the point, last night I watched the film Beautiful Thing for the first time. I’d heard of it before (I’d imagine most people in the LGBT community probably have), but have only just got around to actually seeing it.
Now, I’m not normally a fan of such films. Give me an action/adventure or sci-fi any day. That said, I found it really enjoyable, and a far cry from many gay movies that pander to every single gay stereotype going.
The best bit is definitely the final scene. It is really simple (like all of the film, in fairness), but really moving, and the perfect happy ending.
Sorry that this is a bit of an aimless post, I just wanted to share. I definitely suggest everyone goes out to see this, even if just for the feel-good-factor of a genuinely happy ending.
I’ve Done it Again…
This is a bit of a mopy post. I don’t apologise for it (this is my blog, after all). I’m just warning you. If you aren’t interested, read no further. Normal content will resume soon. Well, what passes for normal around here, anyway.
I have a habit of falling for the wrong guys. Usually it’s the nice guy who’s really friendly, open and thoroughly decent. Oh, and is in a long-term relationship with his girlfriend. Because, despite what people say, all the best guys are straight (let’s be honest, the odds are against me here…)
And I’ve done it again. A guy at work who I get on with very well. I was even beginning to consider to entertain the idea that he might even be flirting with me. Well, until the conversation turned to relationships, and he waxed lyrical about his girlfriend. I decided to make myself scarce at this point (not least because I work with a shockingly large number of quite hardcore Christians1) and go restock some shelves.
So I’m going to mope about for a bit. Don’t mind me, I’ll be the one in the corner with the tub of ice cream.
1Yes yes, I know. I shouldn’t stereotype. But I’m human, and have had more than a few bad experiences. So sue me.2
2Actually, please don’t…
The Walking Plaster Dispenser 