So, I think I should do a bit of an update.
I’m currently in the middle of my final ever exams at Uni. I’ve done one, and have another three to go. I’m a bit stressed, as you can imagine.
It goes without saying that all the depression and anxiety are acting up, with all the problems that entails, not least because I still haven’t got around to doing anything about it…
On the bright side, I have just received confirmation that I have a graduate job with a big engineering company, doing pretty much the engineering I think I want to do. How it pans out remains to be seen, but at least its something to go in to while I worry about everything else. My plan has always been to get a graduate job, and then see what happens next. I can still go into nursing (or something else) later if things don’t work out, and in the meantime I can build up my savings, ready to go back to uni if the need arises.
Typically, now I’ve got this all sorted, I’ve got my project supervisor pestering me about doing a PhD with the uni. I’ll admit, the idea is slightly attractive, but not enough to make me abandon my longterm plans. I can’t justify further expense that could be on a doctorate in something I’m not that interested in as a career ( and I have no desire to be an academic…)
With the Organisation, it feels like we’re on the verge of mutiny with the local Adults. One member (who I have already introduced as CycleGuy) has jumped ship to join my youth unit, and the feeling is growing that two more may be planning to leave. To add to this, I have heard through the grapevine that the Adult leader may want a word with me about ‘stealing’ CycleGuy, after having both of us make it clear to him that the unit he held his membership at was his choice, and neither of I nor the Adult leader minded what he chose. The fact that CycleGuy and I both found this out through a third member doesn’t help the matter. Needless to say CycleGuy is slightly miffed (and I’m far from impressed).
I also know that CycleGuy (as well as HistStudent) wants to become my 2IC. I am a little sceptical, mainly because I worry that he doesn’t have the Youth Work experience, but my alternative is HistStudent who I know (at a gut level that is difficult to explain in words) would be wrong for the position. I have been putting off re-opening the position (long story…) because I can’t really face the interviews and the stress they’ll cause, but I don’t think it can wait any longer. I could be off for good in a few months time (sad times 😦 ), and someone needs to know what to do if I go.
I think that’s a catch-up of everything that’s been going on over here. I have an exam tomorrow, so I can’t stay up too much later. Fortunately I’m reasonably confident about this one (at least, everything is making sense).
So I did it. I went to see a GP last week, and then had a follow-up appointment the week after.
After a couple of questionnaires and a LOT of questions, she told me that while it wasn’t very serious, I am displaying symptoms of minor anxiety and depression. Which is pretty much what I expected to hear.
Moving on to what I could do about it, she described counseling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. She quickly touched on anti-depressant drugs, but to my relief just as quickly dismissed them as not helpful in my case. After much umming and ahhing and questioning, I decided to follow her advise and go for the CBT. She told me that she would post me some information about it, and that I should make arrangements to self-refer myself to the local unit.
So I now have a leaflet from the local Psychological Therapies Service on my desk, placed where I can’t ignore it. And tomorrow, I will be calling the number on the back. Because I’ve got going now, and I am not going to let my nerves or self-consciousness hold me back.
Even thinking that I’m doing something is making me feel a bit better. I feel like I’m building up some momentum, and almost that nothing will stop me now. Time to make it happen.