Difficult Decisions

I am not very lucky with relationships. In fact,quite the opposite is true. I tend to fall for the straight guy, never really get asked out (well, by guys anyway), and never have the courage to ask someone else out (even if I’m certain they’re gay).

Last week, as i was trying to screw up the courage to ask someone out, someone else spoke to me first. I immediately said yes, and somehow (before we even went on a date) we slept together. We’re now trying to organise a proper date, but he is being a pain to pin down.

Now, a week on, I’m not even sure I am actually interested. Yeah, he got my attention a year ago, but as I’ve got to know him a little better, I’m no longer so sure I want to know him. Yeah, perhaps I thought I was interested. But I thought I was interested in my only girlfriend, and look how well that worked out… I’m also not convinced that he isn’t just in it for the sex. Or that my low self-esteem made me say yes only because he asked.

To make matters more complex, there is another guy. The one I was going to ask out. I already know I like him, have a feeling he likes me, and we have more in common than the organisation. Yes he annoys me sometimes, but mainly only when he’s showing off to others. I have also actually had more than one nice conversation with him.

I don’t want to hurt anyone (or get myself a reputation). But, I do want a relationship for myself as well as my partner, and more than just what happens in bed…

I think, while writing this I’ve decided what I’m going to do. I suspect I’ll regret it, but i think I’ve got to follow my heart.

This could get interesting…