And Again With the Wrong Men
Sometimes I wonder if someone, somewhere, has it in for me.
Yet again, I have fallen for the wrong guy. Yet again, I’ve found myself having feelings about a straight man (in a long-term relationship with his girlfriend), and have to clamp down hard on them.
This time it’s one of my friends from the Organisation. We met about a year ago, I think, when he moved to the area, and I started regularly attending the local Adult unit. He settled in to the unit fairly quickly, and as we have very similar interests in the Organisation, and opinions on how many things should be done, we’ve got on very well.
Over time, and particularly recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve become very attracted to him, above and beyond the normal wish to be around someone who you get along with. He’s a bit older than the man I’d normally go for, and not conventionally good-looking, but there’s something about him that gets me going every time. I think it’s because pretty much everything he does, he’s very passionate about, and it’s really easy to get caught up in that, and it’s exciting.
It doesn’t help that I have recently spent a large amount of time in his company, and a reasonable amount of that alone with him. It’s possible (though looking increasingly unlikely) that we could be crewing a vehicle together this weekend.
I am, of cause, being good. Not only would I not dream (well…) of getting involved with someone who is obviously dedicated to his partner (who I also get on with reasonably well), I know that doing anything about this except ignoring it would only end in losing our friendship. Not to mention the general awkwardness that it would result in from now until the end of time. Instead, I bite my tongue, and keep things as friendship only.
If only I could fall for someone who there is even a chance that they might return the feelings, without the certainty that it’ll blow up in my face.