A Hundred Options, All Wrong
I have a member of staff. I’ll be honest from the start, I don’t like him. I don’t think he’s a suitable person for a Youth unit. Some of the time I wonder if he’s a suitable person for the organisation. However, that is not my decision to make.
I have sat in some of his training sessions for our young people. Some of them are very good, particularly the youth led ones. A couple of sessions where he had his group discussing different types of punishment, I’m told were excellent. However, some of them really aren’t. On more than one occasion, when I’ve been in the room while he’s been training first aid, or event while I’ve been training and he’s been sitting in, I’ve encountered areas of his knowledge that are sorely lacking. The last time it happened, I did something about it: I have made it so that he always has another qualified member in the room when he’s training, to support him (or so I put it).
Of cause, he’s not happy, and I’ve heard (gah, the organisation is terrible for gossip and rumour) that he’s been grumbling in the presence of some important people in the county. Not people in my direct line of management, but close enough to cause me problems. And of cause, all the certainty I had about the decision at the time has evaporated. I know that I don’t like him training first aid. I know that there are gaps in his knowledge. But, I can’t be specific enough to justify what I did, or to solve the problem. And now, I’m starting to second guess myself, and I’m not even sure how I separate my gut feelings from the objective things I can actually put on paper.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. Previously I’ve made a decision about someone (well, two someones in this case) doing something that I thought was wrong. I acted on this decision, attempted to get them to stop doing it, and had the whole thing slapped back in my face. So hard, in fact, that I vowed never to be on the committee of that unit again.
I think what I did was the right thing to do. However, I just don’t think I can justify it anymore, or at least not in a way that would convince me, if I was some other person. I don’t know if I can even convince them that it’s not just a personal issue between me and him, or that I’m not just trying to bully him in to leaving the unit.
This has really thrown me in to a spin. I’m not helping myself, as I’m now questioning my ability to make these, and other, decisions. I have a duty coming up where I’m supposed to be in charge, and I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll muck that up as well.
I can’t everything I’m feeling in to words. It’s all going round and round and I’m just getting in to a mess.
That doesn’t help as much as I’d hoped…