I still haven’t made that appointment. Every time I’ve thought about doing it, something has come up and I’ve done something else. Mañana, mañana.
This afternoon, I received a massive kick up the backside. It appears that my particular self-harm has started being visible to my friends. To them it looks particularly innocuous. To me it was an unpleasent surprise.
Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the nurse to get my wounds checked on. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to try to get an appointment with my GP to fit in shortly after. Because enough is enough. This isn’t getting better, no matter what lies I tell myself. Today, I got home, sat down in front of my computer, and despite having a reasonably good day (aside from one rant which is going to follow), felt like crying. No real reason, I just felt really upset. And this isn’t right. I deserve better than this. I have to believe that. I do believe that.
So, it’s time to do something. Because at this rate, I’m going to hit rock bottom so hard I’ll never get back up.